I love IKEA

Ikea ikea

Ikea ikea

Your resistance is futile

Ikea ikea

You think you’ve got style?

When it’s got its own pile at the local tip And you don’t know if you’ve got wood or recycled plastic

I sheepishly shuffle with my hangover hard on Which like a krokig clothes stand you could hang a hat and coat on
But this is in no way a reflection on the walnut erection of a beautiful bookcase called billy
Behind which I scuttle to disguise my docile protruding willy

Ikea ikea

It’s what the weekend was made for

Ikea ikea

Spend a day with your in laws

Ikea ikea

Euro sceptic are you sure?
That your faux leather footstool is derived from old norse
Your favourite meatballs might be derived from horse
Of course you’re a big fat hypocrite but don’t let that put you off
As there is nothing more English than standing in a queue
Blaming the size of the daim bars upon the EU

Ikea ikea

Chill out and relax

Ikea ikea

Why not check out the gravadlax

Ikea ikea

Choose a wardrobe called PAX

And then swerve your way down to aisle 23
Past flat pack families in mid-scouse mahogany
Oh those love handles and eyelashes don’t come free
I’d say it’s too konstig but it’s swedish to me
To take a trip to ikea to concuss life’s monotony
To take cardboard cake and refillable coffee

Take a chance take a chance
Take a chance on me
Is this why you chose divorce over double monogamy?

Ikea ikea

It’s a slow and painful death

Ikea ikea

Buying coffins made of MDF

Ikea ikea

Take a sharp intake of…. breath

When you realise the bastard won’t fit in your car
Cos it isn’t a volvo but a vauxhall corsa
Your wife might divorce yer there’s nowhere to hide
Why not just build the fuckin thing so you can climb inside
You don’t own a hearse so what can you do?
Stuck between the blue devil and the M62

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